Epal dahan paling tinggi? Epal bergolek atas tanah? You choose.

Hi assalamualaikum :)

"Tulislah yang baik-baik, walaupun diri belum baik. Sekurang-kurangnya itu sudah menyelamatkan kita daripada menulis yang buruk-buruk..."

don't lose hope :)

tense. rasa diri ni duk kat bahagian roda yang paling bawah. rasa kecik. rasa kerdil. rasa macam selama hidup 18 tahun ni tak bawa apa-apa perubahan kat dunia. mungkin ada, tapi sikit. hmm.

sebelum ni nawwar selalu rasa diri nawwar yang sekarang sudah cukup. at least for now. rasa macam sekurang-kurangnya I'm better than sesetengah orang. rasa macam lagi baik dari sesetengah perempuan yang tak bertudung berbaju singkat berseluar ketat. rasa macam lagi baik dari sesetengah lelaki yang tak sedar waktu solat tak reti nak jejak masjid tak habis-habis nak melepak buang masa. tapi, siapa kita sebenarnya nak judge orang? heh.

pernah dengar kisah sebiji epal? 

Suatu saat di pagi yang cerah. Angin bertiup tenang. Sinar mentari lembut menerangi alam.Tetapi sayang, itu semua tidak dapat meredam kegundahan hati sebuah epal yang berada tinggi nun di pucuk. Sejak seminggu lalu epal itu sibuk berfikir, kenapa aku tidak dipetik orang? Padahal… kulitku licin mulus. Warnaku merah bersinar. Siapa yang melihat pasti meluap-luap seleranya. Pasti mereka terbayang betapa manisnya rasaku.

Tapi… kenapa aku tidak dipetik orang?

epal tersebut memandang ke bawah. Hairan, kenapa manusia lebih memilih kawan-kawannya yang berada di bawah sana. Bukankah mereka tidak mendapat udara yang bersih dan cahaya mentari seperti aku yang berada di puncak ini? Bukankah kawan-kawanku itu banyak yang telah rosak kerana seranggga?

Epal tersebut bingung memikirkan kenapa rakan – rakannya yang telah banyak tersentuh dan penuh debu menjadi pilihan, bukan dirinya yang belum tercemar dan dijamah orang. Apakah kekurangan diriku?

Perasaan rendah diri mulai merasuk. Makin lama makin kuat, diselangi rasa kecewa dan bimbang. Murungnya tidak terbendung lagi. Lalu, pada pagi yang damai dan indah itu, epal tersebut memutuskan menggugurkan dirinya ke tanah. Ketika sudah berada dibawah, hatinya gembira bukan kepalang. Sedetik lagi aku akan dipilih manusia. Warna merahku yang berkilau dan kulitku yang licin mulus ini pasti mencairkan liur mereka.

Epal menanti manusia beruntung itu. Sayang sekali, sehingga malam tiba, tiada seorang pun datang mengambilnya. Rasa gembira pun bertukar menjadi risau dan sedih.

Siang berganti malam, hari berganti minggu. Kasihan..akhirnya epal tersebut busuk diatas tanah menjadi makanan ulat dan serangga. Membusuk dan dipijak – pijak manusia.”

Kalaulah epal tu tahu suatu hari nanti dia akan dipetik oleh bukan calang-calang orang, oleh orang yang sanggup berusaha untuk dapatkannya. Kalaulah...

sekarang ni basicly epal tu analogi bagi perempuan, and maybe untuk lelaki jugak. of course la we all wish to be epal dahan paling tinggi kan? ada ke orang nak jadi macam epal yang membusuk atas tanah, jadi makanan ulat?

tapi semalam, semalam nawwar betul-betul rasa macam epal yang dah jatuh bergolek. sentap kot bila ada senior tu share pasal agama and I was like whatttt? who is this person? why is he famous? I only know enriqueeeeeeeeee gyahhhh stress ada malu pun ada. baru nak sedar diri ni belum cukup bekalan. baru tahu banyak lagi pengetahuan yang nak kena topup. lepas ni bukak youtube kena rajin-rajin bukak ceramah-ceramah. huhu.

malu. jadi segan sebab dulu nawwar ingat that senior is an ordinary guy. tapi dia mampu buat nawwar jadi speechless. Allah :'( He's making his way on becoming epal dahan paling tinggi. Me?

I want to change. But it's not easy. Guide me, please.

A'liya cakap nawwar apple baru nak tumbuh :')

kitew sukew stalk enrique. minat enrique. burn.

burn sekali lagi. sobs.

Interview Asasi TESL UiTM

Hi assalamualaikum :)

dua tiga hari kepam baru nak update. malas kau ye. :3

nawwar pergi iv uitm sabtu lepas. kat kuantan. omaigadd masa tau dapat tu kemain excited. pastu start kalut nak prepare sijil2 semua tu. nasib baik dah photostat awal2. pheww. uitm kuantan 2(fakulti pendidikan) ni dalam 1km je dari rumah ayah sedare nawwar so kitorang stay situ je. kitorang bertolak hari jumaat.malam tu tidur awal sebab esok iv :/

pagi sabtu, ibu hantar. didn't have my breakfast sebab ai kalau nervous cepat je sakit perut. kejam. makan roti 60 sen je buat alas perut. 

oke back to the iv. iv ni ada dua sesi. pagi dan petang. mine started at 8.30 a.m. and ada dua part. 

part 1 : essay and reading comprehension

reading comprehension tu average kot. tak senang, tak susah. tapi vocab harus la vast. essay pulak, my cup of tea. bhaha. bukan nak show off ke apa tapi sebab memang nawwar suka tulis essay. and mula2 tu takut jugak dapat tajuk social networking(i've been told that iv's essays are mostly about this particular topics). tapi tak! nawwar dapat tajuk " descrice your most meaningful achievements and relate it to your future goals ". alhamdulillah. lega je bila baca arahan tu. 

yang tak best pulak, dia bagi arahan suruh tulis essay tu approximately 250 words. amboi. dah la lama gila tak tulis essay, kena tulis pendek. terhad. nak kena pandai bajet berapa words per paragraph. still, bersyukur sebab dapat topik senang. ^^ oh yang ni korang ada masa sejam. lepas dia kutip answer sheet kita, diorang akan bagi instruction nak susun sijil macam mana.  pastu ada la dalam sepuluh minit sebelum part 2. 

part 2 : interview sorang2. horror!

sangat horror. nawwar dapat num 11 so lama gila nak tunggu turn. demi menghilangkan nervous yang bertapa*ewahh*, nawwar tegur la perempuan kat seat sebelah. mula2 sebelah kiri, dari terengganu jugak. pastu tegur sebelah kanan, tudung pink comel, dari kuantan je. bila sampai turn num 10, dapat la dua tiga orang kawan baru -.-'. oh lupa, nawwar kemain prepare nak bagi intro macam mana. tuptup takde pun dia tanya intro. 

ivwer 1 : *smile*you're from besut. when did you arrive here? and you stayed at what hotel?

me : *smile*yesterday. i stayed at my uncle's. 

ivwer 2 : oh. dia duduk kat mana?*sorry tak ingat dah ayat english dia. hehe*

me : tanjung api. 

ivwer 2 : this is tanjung api.

me : err, yes. his house is about one kilometre from here.

see? mukaddimah tu *smile* tu je. pastu meleret tanya pasal sape yang ikut sekali. tanya pasal how it feels to have an elder brother. tanya nawwar apply mana lagi. one time dia tanya, " dah kalau awak dapat uitm, pastu dapat pulak ipg, awak nak pilih yang mana?*again, sorry tak ingat dah ayat english* ". nasib baik nawwar tak jawab ipg! :O pastu tanya pulak "what if ipg offer to sent you for oversea programme?". again nasib baik tak tersasul pilih ipg! :O redah je jawab oversea tu not now, tu maybe untuk masters. :D

nawwar punya la nervous sampai tertukar younger dengan elder. hadoi. time dia tengok sijil2 pulak dia berminat dengan sijil essay US Embassy tu. kena la jawab pasal diversity pulak. *sigh*. 5 minit je duduk dalam bilik tu. tapi kalau boleh nak keluar cepat2 . haha. takde la pulak nawwar kena tanya pasal politik ke nama pengarah uitm ke. memang dia nak tengok macam mana kita handle situasi tu je. 

oleh kerana ombak big bad wolf membadai kuantan ketika daku berada di sana, amatlah rugi jika daku melepaskan peluang tersebut. maka pada petang jumaat daku telah merelakan diriku hanyut di tengah2 deruan ombak fenomena serigala tersebut. dan daku selamat!*rujuk fridge magnet di atas*

beli 5 novel. kakak 5. semuanya 10. macam menarik je terus ambik. macam rugi beli sepuluh je novel since harga rm8 je. tapi apakan daya, kewangan tidak mengizinkan daku yang menganggur ini. sobs. ah. 5 hari baca baru khatam satu novel kut. cukup la tu. :D

now I present you

the budaks. my anak sepupu. sangat tak adil letak gambar 3 orang je. malas dah nak edit2 gambar -.-'. 

yang kat atas ni cuma ada Batrisyia, Auni dan Aufa. Aufa si baby kuat nangis. >.<. best je ada budak2 ni, hilang stress iv. haha

oh kalau rajin nanti nawwar buat entri tips untuk iv ye. kalau rajin -.-'

SEGMEN : WONDERFUL PHOTO MEANINGFUL

Hi assalamualaikum :)

harini nawwar join segmen Blogger Setiasmile ni. segmen gambar. hihi. nawwar tak kenal mana pun blog setiasmile ni. baru je tengok. pastu abg Nu'aim ni update pasal segmen, nawwar terus la bookmark. huhu. takpe tak kenal lagi pun, nanti kenal la kan abg Nu'aim? T.T

banyak sebenarnya gambar bermakna. ni salah satu. nawwar suka gambar ni sebab gambar ni masa waktu graduasi. rasa hebakk lah kot graduate dah, sebab tu suka -.-'. walhal sekolah menengah je pun, SPM pun tak lagi. dahla takleh pelajar terbaik subjek English. Abby yang rampas. wuwuw. 

dari awal tahun berebut dengan Abby sape yang dapat markah paling tinggi. sampai frust gila bila tak dapat A+ tapi Abby dapat. haha. masa trial ni masing2 dapat A+, tapi Abby tinggi lagi. nak buat macam mana, rezeki dia. syukur dah dapat A+. alhamdulillah. 

now, another reason nawwar suka gambar ni sebab Madam Azimah ada sekali. hewhew. nawwar suka gila kat madam. rindu gila nak belajar dengan madam. sangat*nangis*. madam la yang buat nawwar makin tergila2 kan subjek english. haha. madam tak pernah marah student dia. maybe ada, tapi kitorang tak perasan sebab takde la pulak kena tengking ke apa. haha. 

madam selalu je bila ada hal, suruh nawwar handle kelas. suruh nawwar jadi teacher, sebab madam tahu nawwar memang nak jadi teacher. padahal nawwar tak mengajar pun, sebab malu dengan rakan sekelas. madam la yang buat nawwar rasa okay bila nawwar mengadu ada orang tiru essay nawwar. intro je padahal, tak matured sungguh. haha. madam la tu, madam la ni. macam2! paling best sekarang ni madam dah compile essay2 nawwar jadi booklet. terharu sangat bila tahu karya nawwar tu boleh jadi rujukan adik2 Le' Best :')

I LOVE YOU, MADAM AZIMAH DOLLAH <3

p/s : menangis masa taip semua ni. rindu sangat nak belajar dengan madam :'(

Hey Hey Big Guy :D

Hi assalamualaikum :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAIZ TAJUDIN!

birthday boy :D

I like him. He's like the best boy friend I never had.

Paih Paling Putih. wahh! 3P

bhahahaha. note : boy friend, not boyfriend. there's a difference. 

boyfriend yang sweet2 tu. boy friend, kawan.

nak bagi biodata paih pun serba salah. sebab nama penuh dia pun nawwar tak tahu eja macam mana. T.T kang salah eja merajuk pulok pakcik tu. haha. tapi yang pasti, kalau sekolah ada event ke majlis ke acara ke*sama je -.-*, he will be there, with his bapak's DSLR. huehuehue.

comel handguard kaler oren. gambar hiasan nak tunjuk jari runcing ai. -.-

ni masa sambutan raya kat sekolah.

with his ibu.

ibu paih ni, senior ibu nawwar kat SMSD(Sains Dungun). nama nak glamer je kan -.- . rasa macam best je anak kawan duk sekolah  sama. *tengah imagine jumpa dengan senior masa mesyuarat PIBG sekolah anak. aww*

with his bapak

yang ni the best part. nawwar bukannya kenal mana dengan family paih ni. tapi tengok dari fesbuk, dari cerita paih, dorang berdua ni macam bros for life ar. cool dok? sporting je en. Tajudin ni.

SEM exhibition. hebakk ar pakai jacket batch. 

gambar hiasan lagi. -.-

tu jela. gambar culik dari fesbuk paih. 

buat pe nawwar nak simpan gambar dia. creepy :O

motif buat entry letak gambar paih banyak2? 

sebab nak promote paih.

paih ni single lagi. huehuehue

nah num paih. 019957***8. 

mati nawwar kalau bagi betul2. :O

happy birthday sekali lagi paih! semoga dimurahkan rezeki, boleh belanja aku :D

semoga perjalanan hidup dipermudahkan.

semoga bahagia sokmo.

semoga cepat kawen, nanti biar aku jadi pengapit :D

p/s : sape puasa harini? nawwar puasa. best sebab harini ada pasar malam kat kampung. jalan kaki je. :D

p/s kedua : tadi tengok laki kerdil. cute je jalan kedek2, comel sungguh. tapi bila tengok betul2, rupanya kaki dia kena potong. tetibe rasa insaf dan bersyukur sangat ada kaki. walaupun tak cukup ketinggian model -.-

Essay #7

Hi assalamualaikum :)

this is a story i wrote just for fun. hope you like it :)

"Here, I want you to have this"

"?? A letter?"

"Uh huh. Um, I better go. Take care, Fakhri."

Eh wait! That was it? Me, going out with Erika Abdullah was just for a two minutes conversation? Erika really did change. Change for the better. Hmm. I still remember the first time I set eyes on her beautiful Caucasian face, her golden hair. She was an outsider, of course. None of my schoolmates had the resemblance of her appearance. Regardless of her weirdness, I fell in love with her. I know it was so wrong. The thought of her not being a Muslim sank my heart in dilemma. Two different religions were never meant to be together. And along with the fact, I tried to bury my desire for her love. Plus, I was two years ahead of her. Soon, I would be leaving her, I thought. But no matter how hard I tried, sometimes I still thought about her, sometimes I still had the urge to make her the queen of my heart.

         The angels seemed like they were on my side. After the SPM result were announced, I had the opportunity to further my study at Curtin University, Australia. To my astonishment, Erika followed my footsteps two years later. The feeling of homesick tied us-the Malaysian students together, creating a strong bond between each other. and of course, I seized this chance to get to know Erika. What shocked me the most was the fact that she is a Muslim all along. The boundary that seemed hard to overcome was just a simple misunderstanding. Without delaying any minutes, I confessed to Erika. I told her that I had been loving her from the very moment I saw her and I was not able to tell her about this feeling earlier for I was afraid of rejection because of our differences. Erika paused for a minute before saying yes. And she said that she too, had the same feeling toward me. Our love story then began.

           We were the happiest and sweetest couple living on earth. Everybody talked about how we complete each other and how the were green with envy with our fairytale-like-relationship. Life was like a bed of roses during those times. I had found my missing puzzle piece and Erika stated that I was another half of her life. We fantasized about how we were going to lead a wonderful life together through one sacred bond, marriage. We dreamt of loving each other for the rest of our senior life, till death do us part. We went out on a date like normal couples did. We always dressed up on Halloween looking like Barbie and Kent. And although we were Muslims, we celebrated Valentine's Day like most lovebirds in campus did. I was her Valentine and she was my loyal companion.

              But after three years going out, Erika started to change. After the three years of sparkle, Erika was never the same and the story of us looked like it was the end. I hated the difference but I knew it was the best for her. Erika started covering her aurah properly, she went to the mosque to pray and she avoided talking to boys when there were no necessities. Her change made me upset for I was not able to be her best buddy anymore but ironically, my heart grew fonder towards her. Most important, I started to change too. After years leaving my obligation towards my religion, I started learning back about how to perform my prayers. I repented. I cried almost every night for a week, regretting my sin. But I knew, everyone deserved a second chance. If Erika could have a new life, why couldn't I? I thought. And so I changed. 

              Before I knew it, it was time to leave the land of Down Under and headed back to Malaysia. As for my relationship with Erika, we stayed as friends and rarely met. But last night she rang me and asked if we could meet. Now here I was, on my bed, after the two minutes talk we had had. Slowly I opened her letter........

Dear Fakhri,

           How are you doing? I surely miss the time we had together. I'm sorry that I could not be your girl anymore. I think this is the best fir both of us.

Fakhri, 

          I never told you this before but now, I want to let it all out. I want you to understand my condition. I want you to know the reason I changed.

          Since I was a baby, my family and I lived in America. My Papa had a company there. We lived our life with no religion as guidelines. We were atheist. But six years ago, Papa decided that our family needed changes. With zero knowledge about Islam, we converted and tried to live our life as real Muslims. Things were difficult for us at first. Our new lifestyle no longer fit for the United States. I could no longer party, hang out with my boyfriends and girlfriends, and I missed prom, the most important night for a teenage girl. In search of a more condusive Islamic environment, Papa found Malaysia. Using his savings, he opened another company here. We moved to Malaysia with our new identity. Papa as Abdullah, Mama as Ameena, me, Christine as Erika and my twin siblings as Zara and Adam. We left America with no regret and hoped for the best from this country.

             But I was stunned when I first laid my eyes on the scenery of Malaysia. "Where are the characteristic of Eastern people?" I asked myself. Papa was very disappointed at that time. Just imagine, he was outcasted  by his family after converting into Islam. And when we reached here, he found nothing! The whole family almost gave up being Muslims. Luckily, Mama, being the toughest among us, said that we have chosen this new path and life, must go on. Still, my family live on without no guide. We were too, somehow, afraid to ask local people about religion. We were scared of the impression towards people like us.

Fakhri,

         Indeed, there is light at the end of the tunnel. After six years living in uncertainty, I met Izyan. And that, was my call. My shopping cart bumped into hers when I was buying groceries with Mama. The first time I set my eyes on her, I knew she was different. So I asked for her phone number and asked for her to guide me, lead me through the correct path. Thank God, she was willing to help my family to get to know Islam more. I knew by then, Allah had sent me His "nur". Izyan came from family with strong religion background. Her mother taught me how to recite the Quran, and to pray, and all the sunna. She taught me to be a better "an-nisa". That was my turning point. I'm sorry I did not tell you a bit about this, I guess I'm afraid of what you will react. Sorry again.

         By the way, I heard that your father will send you to Canada to further your study. All the best to you, my darling Fakhri. As for me, I have my own mission. I will fulfil my childhood fantasy, to save the world. They were reports on terrorist and I have decided to be one of the volunteers. And if you still love me even after you finished your studies abroad, in the name of Allah, ask my hand in marriage. I'll be waiting for you. Till next time, take care. Uhibbukafillah, Fakhri. 

as salam, 

Erika Christine.

                

           The end. Sigh. I miss my girl.

"If you still love me even after you finished your studies abroad, in the name of Allah, ask my hand in marriage."

          That's it! I will! I will propose Erika, but only after I finished my studies. I promised to myself that I would do my bets in Canada, so that I could provide a bright future for Erika and our family. 2021, I left Malaysia for Canada. During the first year, I still kept in touch with Erika through the internet. But later she went busy with her volunteering works so I thought it would be better if I stopped bothering her. I also gave her my words that I would be counting the days for us to meet again. Days, months, and years gone by. After three years struggling, I managed to finish my Masters. Erika, I'm coming home :)

          What awaits for me in Malaysia was beyond my wildest imagination. 

"She had been in coma for three months already. She was fighting and struggling hard to save the Muslims. When she was out of energy, the terrorist caught her. She was, she was..........."

         Aunt Ameena fainted without finishing her sentence, leaving me in full anxiety. What had happened? Zara, Erika's sister came and explain that Erika had been crucified and then beaten with a whip heartlessly.  The doctor said that she would not make it. God have mercy. Zara then took me to Erika's ward. Seeing her lying hopelessly broke my heart, and my dream shattered into pieces. I neared the pallid body.

"Erika? I'm back. I've finished my studies. Now, we can get married. Just like we planned. Please wake up, Erika. Don't do this to me...."

Tears and silence.

"Erika! You've promised that you would wait for me, right? Don't break your promise now, please. You know how you urge me to live my dream, to have my Masters finished so that I can be what I wanted to be? Well, I lived my student's life thinking about you, about us! You are my intrinsic motivation, you are my dream, Erika! Don't leave me, please....."

         I was drowned in my own emotion when I heard someone calling my name. A familiar voice, a voice that I have been missing for so long. Erika?

"I, I tried to help them. I want... to find my Muslim side... by fighting for the Muslims... But I can't... I'm not... not tough enough... "

"No, stop! You need to rest, please don't talk much... "

"You need... to listen to this, Fakhri... I want you... to continue... to save them... Will you? I love you until Janna... Uhibukafillah, Fakhri..."

"Erika! Erika!"

           Doctors rushing in, sobbing were heard and the air was chaotic. But the only feeling I felt was emptiness. Erika had left the world. My Erika. 

"Hey Erika, do you still love me?..."

"Of course I do, Fakhri. But I'm trying hard to love Allah more. And I hope you love Allah more than you love me too. So that if I die, you have Allah to give all your love to :) "

"What are you talking about? I don't like to hear that kind of thing coming out of your mouth..."

"Fakhri, everyone knows that death is certain. But one thing I know for sure, I want to be the girl who died in search of Allah. Hee..."

            Erika. The girl who died in search of Allah. Rest in peace. Uhibbukifillah, Erika.

****************************************************

"Mama, what kind of diary is this? Your Uncle Fakhri is so weird, Ma. Huh? I know Ma, I know! So that's why he was so happy in his sleep yesterday. He's going to meet Erika! Maybe that's why you said he is never coming back. Hmm..."

"That's Aunt Erika for you, young lady. And you' re right. Aunt Erika is waiting for him in Janna..."

"Aww, so sweet! When I grow up, I want to have my love story as sweet as your Uncle Fakhri's. Can I. Mama?"

"Yes, you can, dear. Whatever you say."

             And they both smiled.

fuhh. letih oo nak taip essay ni. malas dah nak check typo. hehe. by the way, ni essay yang nawwar tulis lepas baca novel VT-Hilal Asyraf. penangan novel islamik. siap berangan nak elaborate lagi pastu nak jadikan novel pastu nak hantar kat syarikat penerbitan. heh. angan semata. cuti empat bulan tak buat apa2 pun still takde progress. kalau baca balik banyak gila kekurangan essay ni. tak detail, kabur. macam2 la. tapi tuan tanah malas dah nak edit. hehe

SWEET LIZAHANUM'S GIVEAWAY "Suka-suka nak bagi hadiah.........."

Hi assalamualaikum :)

harini nawwar join GA ni. tapi yang ni lain dari yang lain tau. sebab kita boleh tulis apa yang kita nak. ala2 wishlist jugak kot. hahaha.

so, nawwar nak novel ni. 

nak sangat. nawwar mula2 baca novel ni sebab bosan. masa tu duk dalam library. masa form 2 rasanya. mula2 tengok novel ni nawwar rasa macam "ceh. dahla nipis. cover tak menarik langsung. gambar bunga2." letak la gambar orang tengah kissing ke, peluk2 ke hoi tu tipu -.-' tapi seriously memang pandang sebelah mata jela kat buku ni. 

tapi betul la omputih kata, don't judge a book by its cover. ni literally, jangan nak menilai dari kulit novel gambar bunga2. sebab cerita dia best sangattttt! nawwar tiap2 kali baca, tiap kali tu lah menangis. nak2 part alfarabi luahkan isi hati dia kat miss juliana masa miss juliana masuk wad. sayu sangat! hati tisu khonn -.-'

addicted nye nawwar dengan novel ni sampaikan tiap kali masuk library, mesti cari novel ni. dua tiga kali pusing kat rak novel tu. pastu kalau takde merajuk taknak baca novel lain. haha. paling jahat, lepas dua tiga bulan, nawwar berani seludup novel tu keluar dari library sekolah. muehehe. dah kalau pinjam mesti minggu depan kena hantar balik. tak syok arr camtu. tapi sebab nawwar ni kudus, nawwar pulangkan balik novel tu. dua bulan lepas seludup. letak dalam library asrama. -.- ahhhh. yang penting dah pulangkan. hewhew.

tapi taboo tahu. lepas nawwar buat camtu, novel tu hilang terus. HILANG TERUS! dalam library kat sekolah takde. kat asrama yang nawwar seludup tu pun takde. hukhuk. ada penunggu kot buku tu. -.-

nawwar teringin sangat nak baca novel tu. sampai nawwar cari online kot2 ada yang nak letgo. ada satu, tapi dah lama. entah aktif tak lagi blog tu. huhu. :'(

nawwar dah tekad, kalau sampai sudah tak jumpa. nawwar nak buat syarat hantaran. hewhew. gila tak nak buat hantaran novel nipis tu? biar orang yang nak kahwin dengan nawwar usaha sikit. muehehe. 

tu jela. hehe. ni first entry giveaway panjang2 kot. hihi

Defend Yourself, girls.

Hi assalamualaikum :)

menarik gambar ni. muahahaha.

situasi 1 : dalam lif with strangers.

kalau korang nak masuk lif tapi nampak ada orang mencurigakan ikut korang ala2 stalker takpun asylum takpun psycho takpun orang gila yang obvious gila, jangan hesitate. masuk je dalam lift tu, wat lek wat peace. tapi tekan semua button floor tu. kalau korang nak ke floor 7, tekan jugak floor yang lain sebelum nombor 7. boleh la jadi budak2 main lif bagai. ni salah satu cara nak defend diri korang la. mana ada orang nak serang korang kalau tahu lif tu berenti setiap floor. gila apa. hardcore sangat kalau tetap rompak korang or whatsoever. heh.

situasi 2 : strangers in the house.

first, lainkali sila ingat nak kunci pintu dengan 7 mangga lain jenis, pasang alarm plus cctv terus. hewhew. kedua, sila ke dapur dengan kelajuan cahaya sebab kat dapur ada macam2 barang berguna. rumah korang, mesti korang tau kat mana korang simpan pisau, serbuk cili, pepper semua tu. takpun korang pecahkan pinggan mangkuk korang, lagi mahal, lagi hebakk ah -.-'. biar bising satu kampung/taman perumahan. tapi kalau rumah korang terpencil, harap maaf lah ye. huhu

situasi 3 : naik teksi malam2.

heh. sekarang ni naik teksi siang2 pun bahaya kan. macam2 taktik perogol/perompak tu tau. bijak nauu. solution dia, sebelum naik teksi tu, tengok dulu nombor pendaftaran teksi tu. pastu telefon kawan ke family ke boyfriend handsomee ke and bagitau dorang nombor tu. pastikan driver teksi tu dengar dan faham. cis. mesti terbantut niat nak buat jahat kat korang. yela, dah orang tau detail dia, takkan berani lagi. telefon hang? jangan risau, driver tu tak tahu. so just pretend korang tengah bercakap jugak. hehe.

situasi 4 : kalau teksi tu masuk lorong yang tak sepatutnya

ni memang driver teksi ganas, tak gentar. haha. if you feel that you're entering danger zone bila driver teksi tu tak ikut jalan sepatutnya, sila guna handbag korang untuk cekik dorang. guna shoulder bag? takpe, tarik kolar baju dorang. pun boleh. agak2 dah tercekik tu mesti driving pun jadi kalut. this will attract orang. masa ni la korang boleh bagi sign mintak tolong. kalau berani, lompat keluar je dari teksi tu. and pastu pergi balai, report. tadaaa! -.-'

situasi 5 : rasa diekori

let say, korang tengah syok jalan sorang2, tetibe korang rasa macam ada orang ikut je. jangan panik. masuk je dalam kedai yang berdekatan. kalau rumah pun boleh. terangkan keadaan korang, mesti tuan rumah tu faham. lebih elok kalau korang simpan pepper spray dalam handbag. spray apa2 pun boleh jugak, sebab setahu nawwar jenis2 spray ni memang buat pedih mata. 

special : 

kalau rasa dalam bahaya, keluarkan phone pastu buat as if tengah bercakap dengan ayah ke, abang ke. lagi best buat pulak dialog palsu " eh apasal bapak kat police station?" dengan tone suara tinggi seoktaf dari biasa. confirm orang tak berani buat jahat. valid in any situation.

nawwar pernah dulu masuk bilik ATM. tak lama pastu crowded dengan laki. dahla nawwar sorang je pompuan dalam tu. gila berdebar. nak je buat2 call ayah. paranoid? no. berjaga-jaga. hehe

Doa Malaikat

Hi assalamualaikum :)

11 ORANG YANG MENDAPAT DOA MALAIKAT :

1. Orang yang tidur dalam keadaan bersuci.

2. Orang yang sedang duduk menunggu waktu solat.

3. Orang yang berada di saf depan solat berjemaah.

4. Orang yang menyambung saf pada solat berjemaah (tidak membiarkan kekosongan di dalam saf).

5, Kalangan malaikat mengucapkan ‘amin’ ketika seorang imam selesai membaca al-Fatihah.

6. Orang yang duduk di tempat solatnya selepas melakukan solat.

7. Orang yang melakukan solat Subuh dan Asar secara berjemaah.

8. Orang yang mendoakan saudaranya tanpa pengetahuan orang yang didoakan.

9. Orang yang membelanjakan harta (infak).

10. Orang yang sedang makan sahur.

11. Orang yang sedang menjenguk (melawat) orang sakit.

semoga bermanfaat :) in shaa Allah

Tesl? Medic?

Hi assalamualaikum :)

haih. dilema sungguh. hati memang nak sangat. sangat. sangat ambik tesl. tapi ramai yang kata sayang pulak dengan result tu ambik tesl. hina sangat ke tesl? wuwuw. bukan sebenarnya. tahu, memang sayang kalau dengan result nawwar ni apply tesl sedangkan peluang nak ambik medic tu in shaa Allah ada. ada kawan nawwar tu , lagi la. dia dapat straight As, congrats again to her, nawwar tanya la dia lepas ni nak ambik course apa, and she was like "tesl la...". padahal dengan tiket straight As tu boleh je ambik course yang lagi gempak kan. tapi nak buat macam mana lagi, dah memang minat ke arah tu.

 prob is, sekarang ni pendapat lain2. ada yang kata pilih la course ikut minat, sebab orang kata kalau kita buat kerja yang kita minat, tak terasa sangat beban tu. tapi ada pulak suara yang cakap, dunia sekarang mana boleh memilih sangat kalau nak survive. mana satu betul ni?

dulu pun pernah dah dilema macam ni. tapi bila fikir masak2, memang nak stick dengan tesl. sebab ingat balik reason kenapa nak ambik tesl, kenapa bukan course lain. sebab tujuan asal tu memang nak jadi cikgu bahasa inggeris, nak didik anak bangsa dengan ilmu secoet yang nawwar ada. nak rasa jadi penyumbang kejayaan orang lain in shaa Allah. ^^

sekarang ni banyak lagi benda nak kena settle. banyak sangat. tadi baru sudah isi UPU dengan IPG. esok2 nak cari scholarship lagi. hadoi. tolong la sape2 yang pandai dan ada pengalaman tolong beri tunjuk ajar. hehe. kakak2 dan abang2 mohon beri penjelasan la halatuju lepas ni macam mana. :)

tadi check komen pastu nampak ada komen kak Namee kat entry ni. ^^ bahagia kejap sebab kak Namee sudi komen blog nawwar. ahaha. dah lama dah follow kak Namee ni tapi ni first time dia komen. hihi. thanks kak Namee :)

Definasi Hidup

kaku. bila fikir balik hidup ni tak bergerak mana pun. terpaku kat barisan mula. kalau ada pun pergerakan, heh, bukan boleh buat stok nak bangga. baru je nak merangkak, halangan mencurah-curah buat road-block. pastu mula hilang semangat, luntur dah angan-angan menggunung waktu mula-mula nak berubah jadi baik tu. pulak tu, dah rasa baik sikit, rasa terror sikit, mulalah nak kembang jaja kat semua orang. padahal. cett. buat malu je.

kalau ingat balik waktu kecik-kecik dulu, fuhh, gumbira kemain. macam dunia ni tok wan punya, bebas je nak kentut sesuka hati pun, bukan orang kisah. orang cakap cute ada la, budak-budak kan. buat apa-apa bukan fikir dosa pahala. lantak ah. i got the world in my hand, konon. pengaruh cerita omputih tak habis-habis. gaya hidup pun ala-ala mat saleh dah. berlari sana sini kejar kawan-kawan. bukan kawan pompuan, tapi lelaki. uniform sekolah kain labuh tiba-tiba transform jadi mini skirt. kalah amoi. pulak tu guna mandat 'konon-konon bijak' ajak orang gaduh. gila ah gangster dulu jadi ketua geng. penolong ketua pengawas okay. berwibawa lah tu, jadi singa hari-hari. suara kecik pun laung hujung kampung sebelah dengar lagi. haih. masa tu perkataan feminin dengan diri macam kutub utara dengan kutub selatan. darjah enam, bukan tau pun maksud feminin. kisah pulak aku. hmm. bahagia kan waktu kecik-kecik dulu. tapi tu ke definasi hidup?

sekarang bila dah besar, function otak pun dah kurang bab mainan, lets get serious lah pulok. mula rasa nak gedik-gedik layan boybands. tengok Taylor Lautner rasa nak pitam. tengok Selena Gomez tetibe rasa nak ada keturunan Hispanik. dengar lagu Hero-Enrique Iglasias terus histeria "wahh suara seksayyyy!". pastu pandai-pandai berchenta, pengaruh lagu-lagu cinta Taylor Swift demmyu Tay Swift. haha. pastu bila dah besar jugak la start fikir pasal hidup. pasal tanggungjawab. pasal study. pastu mula lah rasa masalah bertimbun tanpa solution. hoi. tak pernah dengar term "try and error" ke cepat sangat putus asa ni? mengalah. lembik. lupa, everything happens for a reason and every problem has a solution. tapi lama-lama settle jugak masalah tu. bahagianyaaaa. tapi tu ke definasi hidup?

apa definasi hidup sebenarnya? dapat result cemerlang tiap kali exam? umur baru setahun jagung dah mampu tayang gadget segala bagai? ke ada boyfriend handsome dan diiktiraf sweetest couple of the year? ke bila dah mampu keliling dunia walaupun umur tak cukup syarat nak mengundi? rasanya tak.

kadang-kadang hidup ni rasa kosong kan? jiwa ada, tapi lifeless. apa definasi hidup sebenarnya?

senyum. tapi otak berselirat fikir definasi hidup.

Mari berkarya !

Hi assalamualaikum :)

ohh, ni bukan entry GA ye. =.='

harini nak bersastera sikit. huahua

*dulu ada cikgu pesan tak baik tulis dalam rumi, sebab takut lari maksud*

2010

Permulaan.

Lagha dengan kemanisan duniawi

Hingga lupa kebahagiaan hakiki yang menanti

Lalai dengan seruan kasih sayang*kot. ppui*

Hingga lupa cinta Sang Pencipta yang abadi

Terasa dunia milik kita

Langit cerah seakan merestui

Walaupun akal waras mencegah,

Namun hati buta tetap membenarkan

Jiwa yang dulunya tulus

Terpalit noda, bintik-bintik dosa.

2011

Tamparan hebat.

Seakan melihat Romanian runtuh di depan mata

Minda seakan sukar mencerna realiti

Hidup seperti lebih rela berpaksikan fantasi

Kala hati berbisik menidakkan kebenaran,

Akal mula menyemai benih-benih benci

Namun sepertimana Hawa terhasut bisikan iblis

Begitulah hati menyerah dengan bisikan halus nurani

Nyata! Sayang masih ingin bertamu

Walau tanpa kerelaan si tuan rumah

Meski akal memujuk rasa

"Cinta monyet tidak ke mana"

Namun kedegilan tetap berkeras

"Hati dan perasaan di bawah kekuasaan-Nya"

Lalu mutiara jernih menitis, setitik demi setitik.

2012

Bangkit.

Jaga daripada lena yang panjang

Sedar daripada tidurnya mata hati

Masih jauh perjalanan hidup diri ini

Masih banyak liku-liku mencabar yang perlu ditempuhi

Ceritera seorang aku tidak ternoktah di sini

Penghabisan memoir bukan untuk ditangisi

Aku tahu,

Rangkulan kejayaan menanti di hadapan

Menyesal? :) Kenangan itu suatu pengajaran

Mungkin, air mata ini akan berhenti

Mungkin, senyumanku ikhlas suatu hari nanti

Pasti!

so much for the corniness. ahaha

ni nukilan masa hormon tengah celaru nih. =.='

any comment about this? 

Happy reading and have a nice day :)

Takutnya nak berdakwah :/

Hi assalamualaikum :)

tadi Nawwar tengah berfesbuk, pastu ada la sorang senior Nawwar ni

 share photo IKRAM SISWA Terengganu Utara

Nawwar tahu, ramai kawan2 kat luar sana ada perasaan camni kan?

sebab Nawwar pon sama. hehe

yela. mula2 memang niat nak menyeru pada kebaikan.

tapi mesti ada soseh2 duk puji "wah baiknya dia ni!" yang kutuk bajet alim pon semestinya la kan. uhuk

bila jadi camtu of course syaitonirrajim mula dok hasut lantas membuahkan rasa riak dan takabbur

demmyu syaiton

tapi semalam Nawwar ada tanya kawan pasal ni

pastu dia reply text 

"Takpe. Nak gerakkan dakwah, memang kena start dengan diri kita. 

Fitrahnya, memang akan ada perasaan tu. Anggap je tu semua ujian untuk kita. Antara ganjaran pahala dengan permainan was2 kadang2 kita kena mujahadah. Kalau kita ikhlas, in sha allah Dia luruskan hati kita."

rasa lega sikit lepas baca text tu. jadi lepas ni takyah la takut nak sebarkan benda baik ye. 

jom sama2 amalkan amar makruf nahi mungkar :)

essay #6

Assalamualaikum :)

Trial SPM 2012 Melaka English paper

Epilogue of an Awesome Chapter of Life

By : Jasmine Haiza Khalid Lee

“ A chapter’s ending

But the stories only just begun

A page is turning for everyone

So I’m moving on, letting go

I’m holding on ‘til tomorrow

I always got the memories

While I’m finding out who I’m gonna be

We might be apart but I hope you’ll always know

You’ll be with me

Wherever I go”

                People say music is the language of the soul, so I assumed the “Wherever I go-Miley Cyrus” really did speak my heart out. I would be leaving this school soon, but the memories would forever be a part of me. For five years, Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Lembah Bidong had been my loyal companion, witnessing the life, the laughters and tears of a Jasmine Haiza. Being a student in a boarding school, I spent most of my growing years in the pink concrete buildings. Forget the books, I even learnt new experiences, experiences I would never get outside of this school. Apart from that, by observing other students, I learnt about people behaviour. You would not get any of that in books, right?

                Most important, I was fortuned to meet great teachers in my five years of schooling. Cikgu Mat Alwi, Mrs. Mounier, Madam Azimah and puan Kaseh just to name a few. My favourite? Well, since I have  a great interest in the English Language, I love the teachers just as well. Mrs. Mounier and Madam Azimah did a great job in giving me the picture of being an English teacher-my ambition. Yes, I owed all my teachers big time but my special gratitude surely won by these two iron lady. Beside the lesson I had mentioned earlier, I also learnt about friendship. Cik Jay, Qyla and McYe had been, and still are my true friends, my bedmates, my partners in crime since we were in Form One. Five years and still standing. I love you, friends.

                Yet, everything had its ups and down, so did my life in secondary school. I probably should not spill but just so you know, I had had a bad time with my teachers. I was not glad about it but I had no one else to blame. I often left my homework to pile up unfinished, lazy me. At one point, I busied myself with debate, the march team, the ever famous Spell-It-Right competition, anything, EVERYTHING which made me missed my classes. Lets just say the teachers were not so fond of my absence. No regrets, though. Our marching team fought our way to national and placed fourth when I was in Form Two. In Form Four I joined the speech choir team and although we did not win, we got the best script award. What matter most was the joy we had. Not to boast, but I also won the Embassy of the United States Celebrating Diversity Essay Contest national level so I guess all these achievements can be considered as my contribution to the school. As for the best moment, I think the the winner goes to being-on-the-roof moment. It was something i had NEVER in my life thought I would do and I felt so big and it was one of the ‘I’m-on-top-of-the-world!’ moment. That was the magic of being a teenager, indeed.

                Well, I had spilled too much already so I better stop here. What I hope is that this school continues to shine among the others. I saw great potentials in my juniors and and I will always pray for the school’s glory, to be known worldwide as one of the greatest school in this country.

Dearest teachers, friends and juniors,

                Do pray for me and my friends in pursuing our dreams. You guys will always stay in my heart. Till next time, have a good day.

***************************************************

Continuous Writing : End your story with “.........goodbye forever.”

               

Hi. My name is V. My real name? Melissa Ann. But that was in the past and I prefer being regarded as V now. Why V? I have been asked a lot and many a time I just shrugged. I just, did not see it as a necessity-for them to know the reason why. In this new place however, they thought it was my real name, as if ‘Vee’ in Veronica or else and yeah, I liked it better that way. But why V? Sometimes, when I laid my head down on the grass while gazing at the stars, I asked myself, why V? I am turning forty next weekend and I figured that being just capital V was not quite suitable for a woman my age. It made me think and often, I was drifted away back to twenty-four years ago, when I first met Master Chen. Suddenly I saw him twenty-four years younger, fighting the bad boys of the alley where I laid my cardboard bed.

“ Are you okay? What’s your name?”

 “ I don’t have a name.” Monotonous. Fierce eyes refusing to leave his.

“ Sure you have a name. What were you doing here and, where’s your mom?”

“ I don’t have a mom! Hey, you seem like a guy who knows how to fight. Can you teach me         how to kill? I must not let them get away. The man who shot down my dad, my stepfather, my mom, the jerks at school. They must pay. THEY did this to me. I, I don’t know what I did wrong. I HATE THEM! Arrghh!!!” 

“ Hey, easy there. I’ll call my assistant. For the time being, lets just call you V, okay?”

Noticing my puzzled face, he explained that V stands for vendetta, for the anger I had in me, for the hatred my eyes displayed. Before long, I was already seated on the cushion  of his black Hummel, as the engine worked its way through the traffic to Master Chen’s academy. A SPY academy. The ten acre land streches from the suburb, untouched by the costly price of urbanisation. Fenced by the nature, no human eyes could detect this camouflaging structure. Master Chen indeed, know how to deceive human’s bare eyes. It is after all, a secret institution. As I took my first step onto the ground, my body betrayed me and showed insecurity when all I need to show was bravery. In the car, I had decided that if I wanted to be one of Master Chen’s trainee, I had to be a tough one, the strongest of all. But I failed myself. Why should not I? Clank. Clank. Clank. Went the sound of the swords, intensity of aura filled the open air. People were battling, or should I say practising and I watched as dummies fell onto the ground, either halved or sliced into parts. The atmosphere was torturing, and I went straight hugging Master Chen, feeling the presence of a father.

I felt his hand caressing my golden hair as he murmured some shh-shh. He was not so a father. His guard was up, his body was still stiff of my hug. Watching a lot of superhero movies back when I still had a home, I concluded that like other superheroes, Master Chen did not have a family. He led me into the hall, where I felt my eyes burned and I burst into tears. Inside, my wall broke and my eyes  watered as I told the unperfect stories of mine.

First I told him and Tara, his assistant the story of me being kidnapped. How my father paid the best service he could get to save me. How he was willing to pay his last dime on my ransom. But as the perpetrators realised that policemen were involved, they went outrageous and shot a blind bullet which went straight to my father’s forehead. Being just seven years old, I could only scream in terror as the criminals fled. Not long after Father’s death, Mother got married with Alan, a psychologist. For me, he was a psychopath himself, a beast! When Mother was sent outstation, he took control of the house and fed his animalistic desire on me. When I told Mother about this, she accused me of making up that story, unable to accept Alan as my new Papa. Blindfolded by his overwhelming love, Mother disowned me as her one and only daughter. I was not surprised when she kicked me out of the house for I could see her eyes bleeding love for Alan, more love than she ever showed me.

When Master Chen found me, I was already living my lonesome life for a week, trying hard to survive in the place where happily ever after did not exist. Then I believed, happily ever after maybe was not real, and I would not get my fairytale ending. But one thing for sure, kindness was still lingering around those who longed for it.

Tara then showed me around, huddling me in her amiable arm after the major breakdown. Master Chen followed behind and I saw that his students really respected him. During the trip, I met a cute boy at the first glance. The boy, introduced as Mark, was assigned to be my mentor for the first two months. I did not know if it was me, or the tinge of malice I felt from his glare was real. 

As my head flashed back those memories, my mind also wandered to the time Mark patiently trained me, teaching all the coolest moves and and techniques, moulding me to become an all-star spy. He showed me no mercy. The early wake-up-calls, the non-stop hours in front of the punching bag, the tech-gadgets lesson, the code-of-the-spy classes. But that torturing really did pay off. I became Master Chen’s favourite, catching envious eyes as I walked pass the corridor. Mark, on the other hand, became my best friend. It was not long before we realised that we needed each other more than just by being best friends. It was against the spy code, to be in love with your colleague. But it was a feeling we could not resist, and so we continued our forbidden love. When we could no longer bear the feeling, we arranged a rendezvous at a hill not far from the academy, but hidden enough not to be caught by the other spies. Mark was so sweet and I dreamt of marrying him as our finger intertwined. The world was ours, until one day when Mark gone MIA. Missing. In. Action.

I cried myself to sleep every night. I missed my place in his protecting arms. I missed the excitement I felt inside when his lips touched mine. I missed the butterflies in my stomach that kept fluttering as soon as I  saw him. But he was gone, with no trace that left me off track in my search for him. I was ruining from inside, having to bear the pain all to myself. And it was not the end of my sorrow. I was sent to Moscow for a mission in mid-January, 2011. After spending four days there, I got a late call from Tara. Master Chen was shot. I took the first flight back home. When I arrived at the airport, Tara hugged me tightly, knowing how close I was with Master Chen. I could only let pearls of tear making a stream down my cheek as I saw Master Chen’s pallid body lying on the hospital bed. The doctors could do nothing to save him. I had lost my guru, my father. It was then I swore to myself that I would seek revenge. I knew if he was alive, Master Chen would not approve this. It was because of him that I stop hoping to kill my stepfather and those people. “ An eye for an eye makes the world go blind”, he said. But not this time. I would not live in peace before I catch the killer. And so my search began.

It was not an easy task. It almost seemed like I was sent to a wild goose chase. I was about to give up when I found a clue. A big one. A diary. Not an ordinary one, it belonged to one of Master Chen’s students. A diary with “What’s so special about her? Master Chen is so unfair. If he doesn’t love me, I’ll make sure HE WON’T LOVE ANYBODY ELSE. Bye, Master “ in red letters. So that was it? That was the killing all about? Jealousy? I felt a sudden anger. I knew this person, the killer. And to think that he killed Master Chen out of jealousy was ridiculous. We were so close, the killer and I. Why did he do such a stupid thing? So I tracked him. The hunt costed me three months of time, and lots of energy too. But I succeed. He looked shocked when I purposely bumped myself into him in a cafe an hour from the academy. I bet he did not expect to see me there, huh? I did not wait for long. The opportunity was right in front of me. I told him that I needed a private conversation and asked him to follow me into a park. When the coast was clear, I pulled the trigger.

Bang!

Gloomy cloud formed above my head. Then came the rain as I bade farewell to the body lying on the ground.

Goodbye, killer of Master Chen.

Goodbye, my friend.

Goodbye, my trainer.

Goodbye, Mark.

Goodbye, the love of my life.

Goodbye forever.

     

i love this. really.

first, because Jasmine Haiza is a reflection of the real me.

no lies.

second, because Vee is actually what I always wanted to be.

a spy, a secret agent.

a person whose life motto is to create a better world

a person who's dedicated her whole life to guns and actions and things like that

now how cool is that, right?

but of course cut out that killer part :|

haaaaaa*sigh*

Happy reading and have a nice day! :)